Balloonerism

1/15/25

I missed my Monday deadline by 2 days. In the words of Mac Miller, "...I'm aware of it, I know. I got a problem, I'm'a take care of it." If you can name the song, you just gained, like, 50 billion spots on my favorite people list.

Speaking of Mac Miller, I'm reading his biography. His birthday is on Sunday. His new album comes out on Friday. Oh yeah, and he's dead. Somehow his best music came out of his archives after he died, as if he were too scared of judgement to release it. I don't know why, but his music just hits me. There have been a few of his songs where I heard a line and thought, "man, this guy just gets it." It's so reassuring to know someone else knows how you feel so well they can put it into words and sounds better than you can, even for but a moment.

 If you ever want to be blown away (and don't mind some swear words, sorry Mom), then listen to the album Circles. It's emotional, reflective, and a little bit sad, but it has a hopeful tone. The song Circles on the album Circles is 2nd best (it feels like I'm talking in Circles, holy), but my favorite song is Good News. Mac raps about how he has to keep up appearances and seem happy all the time, when in reality his battles with addiction and materialism have plagued him for a long time. He doesn't say that he hopes the sadness would disappear, just that he gets the occasional chance to express it and feel through it. You know that longing feeling where you kind of want something, but you know you can't have it? Additionally, if you were given the chance to have it, you're not even sure if you'd take it? Mac explores this theme in the song: if he was able to drop all of his sadness and worldly cares, would he even do it? Vocally, he states that he would, but the depth of what he says implies otherwise. He is so acquainted with his dull melancholy that he finds it beautiful, and recognizes that the background buzz of sadness is what makes happiness on "the other side" so beautiful. In a last few minutes of reflection, he recognizes that the sadness wasn't so bad anymore because it's over. In the cruel irony of it all, this song hit his listeners ears after he was gone; for family and friends, I'm sure it was incredibly emotional. By the way, the album's final chord is a leading chord that sets up the first chord in the album, so, yeah, the whole album is one big circle that describes a life cycle pretty well. Just in case the lyrical wizardry wasn't enough for you.

I remember listening to this song in the dark on a couch in Arizona, and I felt like I could see and understand everything so clearly. Sadness is sweet when you're out, and there isn't anything you can do while you're in it but be in it. I think I listened to the song probably 7 times in a row. It's a good one. Enough glazing.

I've completed a full week at BYU. Again. Only 14 more to go in this semester! Still no roommate, which has been really nice. I don't have to worry about waking someone up in the mornings, keeping them up at night, playing music they hate, flashing them after using the communal showers, sharing the sink... the benefits are endless. I dropped a history class because I might be able to double count a GE when I (prospectively) spend a semester abroad to Paris in the fall! My French class is going well. I'm understanding a lot more than I thought I would, and so far I haven't struggled too much.

Math is math, lots of proofs and learning what crazy symbols mean so I can use them when I write proofs. Subsets, existential quantifiers, upper bounds, symbolic logic... these words mean nothing to you, I'm sure. 

French film is incredible. Watch Purple Noon and The Intouchables. They're good. I watched the edited versions, so proceed at your own risk.

Physics is crazy. My teacher is this old guy I've had before who likes to go off topic often, which is very entertaining, but less than ideal when you want to do well on the tests. Fortunately, his tests are very forgiving and as long as you do well on the homework and don't fail every exam, you'll be okay. The class is Modern Physics, and our first week was relativity. Week one. I have no clue what we're gonna get through in 15 weeks.

I actually had a fairly novel idea about the nature of light/relative reference frames, and I presented it to my teacher. He's a fan. I think it might explain a couple of empty sockets in some existing theories and connect a couple gaps between modes of thinking. I like it a lot. I want to go talk to the relativistic researcher - at my professor's suggestion - because I don't know the first thing about proving or writing a paper on any of it. I do know some of the math behind it though, which is probably a good place to start.

Before I forget, I think I've decided on the plan for graduation. I did some digging and talked to some professors and came to the conclusion that BYU's Mechanical Engineering program prepares you incredibly well to go straight into the workforce and work your way up through a company. I want to go to graduate school right(ish) after my bachelor's, and it seems that a math degree would be better for that. It isn't so credit packed, so I can do a bit more outside of just the degree. BYU's applied math program, ACME, just won several national awards this past year, so I think I'm going to do that. They require you to pick an emphasis where you take classes in a certain field so they can list it on your diploma. I might do Machine Learning or Cryptography, but I have a minute to decide on that. Then, the French department has a secondary major program that allows students to double major more easily with a French Studies BA. I also only need 1 more physics class to get a minor in that. In short, the goal is to double major in Applied Computational Mathematics BS and French Studies BA with a minor in Physics and an emphasis in one of 3 fields. If Oxford/Cambridge doesn't take that, I did my best. Hopefully the astronaut program accepts master's degrees from England. Maybe I'll check. Mark my words, I am gonna go somewhere good for grad school.

BYU is good for a lot of things, but this week has been so frustrating, especially at work with permissions and authority structures and people refusing to work together on problems. I'll write more about that next week.

We lost our inner tube water polo game tonight by 1 point. So sad.

I think that's it. If you're on campus and study in the library every day, let me know where you sit. I also do that. I have no friends. Just kidding. Sort of.

That's all from me! Again, sorry for being late. I'll write next time on Mac Miller's new album and my work opp (opposition, grandmother). See you next week!

-will.i.am (not the famous one, the regular one)