Did you just say Hims doesn't work?

Once again, hello.

Welcome to the segment of our show in which our contestant attempts to recount the events of his recent life to many people through an electronic teleprompter! It is up to voice these parts as you see fit!

Enter Will and Taylor in the Walmart hair care aisle. They are vocalizing their hilarity, as they tend to do when they are together.

Taylor, reading a bottle of shampoo: Every Man Jack?

Will: Listen, Taylor. I've talked to a lot of guys, and not all of them are named Jack. Trust me on this one.

Out of nowhere, a guy who looks like he was the star outfielder of his high school baseball team chimes in. He doesn't appear much older than Will and Taylor.

Baseball Guy, panicked: Did you just say Hims doesn't work?

Will proceeds to overexplain the thought process behind the joke he had just made, just to help the guy out.

Baseball Guy, relieved: Oh, good. For a second there I thought you were saying Hims doesn't work. I'm trying to hold on to it as long as I can, you know? Better safe than... better to be cautious than not, right?

Will and Taylor stutter in agreement. Baseball Guy removes his hat, as if to demonstrate his need. It does the opposite, instead revealing a perfectly normal hairline with absolutely no noticeable hair loss or recession.

Baseball Guy: Yeah, see what I mean? I gotta keep this going as long as possible.

Baseball Guy puts his hat back on and walks away. Will and Taylor wait for him to leave the aisle and then burst out laughing.

That, my friends, is a prime example of the fact that there is never a dull moment at Walmart. How a man with such a fine hairline could project his insecurities onto our comment not at all related to Hims hair care supplies is beyond me, yet I was sufficiently entertained by him, and have been quoting him all week amongst my friends.

I was at Walmart because I have officially moved into the Sparks II. It is just behind the Vasa on 900 East. It is fine as far as apartments go, not nice, but cheap, so that makes up for a lot. I am getting financially bullied by them in other fees like security deposits, convenience fees, etc, but that is okay. I'm hoping living here is fun. It has been for the last 36 hours, so I like to imagine that it will be.

I am a little bit cooked once school starts. I have a completely full schedule from 9-5 every day, and then homework and such after that. Mix that with drama from friends and navigating complex relationships and that leaves me with minimal time to just breathe. Hopefully it goes okay. I think I need work and school to help me not think about other things. I can just work on the math problems and drown out the world for a while. It is a nice feeling. The tests and requirements that those problems fulfill are not very nice, however. I am hoping that I have enough prior experience that I can skip my CS lab like I did with the last class that I took, because otherwise I may have no social life whatsoever. How am I ever going to find people to spend life with if I never meet them?

I have felt very odd lately. Sometimes I've felt so much energy and am happy to talk to my friends and felt super bubbly; in a matter of hours that can change to a complete aversion to any desire to talk to anybody. I have felt restless yet tired at the same time. I don't want to do anything at all but I also feel like I need to do something, but nothing that I do seems to alleviate the need to do something else. I don't know what to do about it. I get more irritable and frustrated and impatient, yet there's nothing going on, and that's almost the problem. However, I dread the very near future when I have to do work and have assignments again. I have noticed that caffeine helps me feel more normal again, but I obviously can't just drink Monsters all the time. I will forget to eat anything, and then when I get hungry enough that I decide it's time to solve the problem, nothing looks good and I feel a little nauseous. I seriously don't know what my problem is, I might just be stressed from school starting. And moving back from somewhere I loved to somewhere I don't. And dealing with people and losing friends and all the things that come with living around other human beings.

I am happy to be home and have my friends again. I am excited to do stuff with them and get to make more fun memories. 

One such memory occurred earlier in the week. I was with a couple of my friends having a small yet glorious reunion when one of them said, "I'm feeling spontaneous. Do you guys want to do something crazy?" Of course we responded in the positive, very curious as to what she could possibly say next. "My mom is getting a hotel room tonight so that her Marriott account will get to level 75. What if we just went and used the pool?" It was so funny. We got swimsuits and checked in for her mom, pretended to be excited to spend the night as "cousins" in order to fool the people around us by talking slightly too loudly (as if they cared at all), and swam in a fairly cool pool for several hours. We were probably the funniest three people alive for a while. Then we went upstairs, showered, changed, and pretended to be leaving out to find something to eat when we actually just went home. It was so funny. It felt like something out of a comedy movie. I was very glad it happened, because there is always this fear when you hang out with old friends you haven't seen in a while, this fear that you have both changed too much and that you aren't really as compatible as you used to be. Happy to conclude that was not that case.

Speaking of differences, I saw Zootopia 2. The plot was entertaining. Although the acting and some of the dialogue was the most cringe and forced I have ever seen, the central messaging of the movie was good. Lowkey almost cried. I've felt a little sad more often lately. I don't know what it is. Just felt kinda directionless more often than I usually do. I think that school will help. Maybe that's why I found Zootopia to be more emotionally engaging, cause usually I probably wouldn't and would have thought it was cringe instead. Who knows? Not me.

I also saw the finale of Stranger Things season five. I watched only the first season several years ago, so it didn't make sense at first. I don't feel particularly compelled to watch the whole show, I feel like the finale gave a pretty good recap. I hate Eleven now though. She was better when she had no speaking lines. Derek was incredible. Amazed that he couldn't find it in him to run when he is literally about to die, but what do I know about being Derek? I support the theory that the entire show was just one big game of Dungeons and Dragons and that none of it was real at all.

I watched Superbad again. For like, the 4th time in the last month. I McLove how stupid it is. I McLove Jonah Hill, and Michael Cera, and whatever random kid they got to play Fogell. He is the best.

Anyway, I think that's about all I have to say. I could say more as there are additional things going on in my life, but I will keep it to myself, I suppose. I won't bore you with the details. It is late.

-Will