Charlotte's World Wide Web

"And we were face-to-face with horrors... the likes of which we'd never seen before. The wind had not been kind to the barn spiders. We stared up at the looming giants and silently prayed they wouldn't notice us on the ground. We had no wish—no outcome we could bring ourselves to hope for—but to survive."

This about sums up my first week back in school. You may think to yourself, "What does a quote from Charlotte's Web have to do with anything? You're not a spider, so what are you talking about?" To that I say, you're wrong. It's not a quote from the beloved children's novel (kind of terrifying: I just looked up how to correctly use the apostrophe and the picture that came up in the search result was the very book I speak of). I made up those sentences to explain how I felt. How does it feel to be tricked?

Anyway, I have a lot of classes that aren't particularly easy. I got a bit firehosed with the amount of work and knowledge that I was going to be exposed to in the next three months. I am being a little bit dramatic. I am excited for the stuff I'm going to learn. I've got five math classes that will be hard, but the content is cool. I've got an analysis class (why does math work?) and an algorithms class (what can you do with it?). Then I have a two lab classes (now do something with what we told you) where I get to build things using the new things we learned. 

Finally, I'm in a class that will prepare me to take the hardest math exam in the entire world (I'm genuinely serious): the Putnam. I'm excited for it because it's a cool test. You don't have to study thousands of words to try and memorize how to spell them. Instead, you learn a whole bunch of little tricks that can help you make math problems easier until you don't have much of a problem anymore.

This test is six hours long, with two three-hour sections. It is out of 120 points, with 12 questions worth 10 points each. It attracts the top undergraduate mathematicians in the US and Canada, and is widely regarded as the hardest math test in the world. The median score is between 0 and 2 points.

I am excited for this class too. Learning all those techniques teaches you a new way of thinking, something that I feel like I've lacked in my education so far: how to be clever with mathematics. By taking this class, I'll learn tricks that improve my math skills in all my other classes. You have to be creative on the Putnam, which doesn't probably make sense if you don't know how to do that.

If you didn't have any paint, could you make the Mona Lisa?

No. That's the other thing that I am excited to learn in the prep class. Usually, seeing hard problems evokes feelings of inadequacy, fear, and anxiety, especially when you know you have to do it. By working on extremely hard problems, you learn that whether or not you solve the problem isn't based on you. It's not that I'm not good enough, or not smart enough, or not clever enough. It's something else. I either don't have the tools or I don't know how they work.

Building a deck is the same way. It's not that I can't build a deck. It's that there are parts of the process that I may have never seen before. To make the ground flat, I need shovels and a level. If I didn't know what a level was, I'd have no idea that I needed one, and would get frustrated later when I couldn't make the boards fit on the frame. If I had a level, but didn't know how to use it, I'd have the same problem. At this point, I have three choices: give up, find a proven method, or try unknown options and edit them until one works. No level? Try a string, a weight, and a square. Or learn about levels, that would be way easier.

I know many people who regard themselves as dumb, slow, or less clever than others. I feel this way too, especially in Putnam class. However, I don't need to let that get in the way of doing the thing that needs doing. I either a) don't know the tools exist, b) have the tools, or c) have enough practice with the tools to be proficient. Although c is by far the closest to successful completion, it is the one that feels the most discouraging. It seems like the operator is the problem, but it isn't: it's the operator's experience that is less than another's.

I think most things in life are this way. It's just a matter of experience. Relationships, job positions, hard skills, soft skills... it doesn't matter. It's about finding the best way to do it, and if you haven't had a chance to do it, why blame yourself for not getting it right away?

Tangent = over. 

My apartment is very small, but I like it 'cause I know my roommates (Jacob and Ethan). We have great fun together and do lots of things, like going to the silent disco (a club where everyone wears headphones) and cold plunging in the frigid Provo River. We did that last night, by the way.

I am alive, and hopefully stay that way. I'll write again next week, and maybe I'll talk about my physics classes if you're lucky.

-Will

 

Deck the Halls

Sol 470:

Uh... hello everyone. I'm... uhh... still here. Haven't changed too much, the rover is still running and potatoes are growing. I'm hoping that those are gonna be alright. We made it to the new hab, got new roommates, that sort of thing. Anyway, uh... I'm gonna end this recording now. See ya.

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Hello again, I apologize that I've been completely off the grid. My connection module (part of brain that says "write email") malfunctioned, so I had to fix that. I finished up my research project, presented my poster, and wrote a paper on it. That paper will be receiving a few edits soon, since I didn't even add a references section because I forgot and ran out of time.

I moved all my stuff to my new apartment, which is... cozy. Jacob Hiatt and I will be living in close proximity for the next year, and I am excited. It will be fun. I live right across the street from campus so I can hopefully make it to 9 AM class on time. Hackathon prep continues—I'm still finding companies and we're about to reach out to students and invite them to compete. Riveting. I am not ready to start school.

We went to Colorado! Gotta develop that film. It was very fun and we got to see some cool areas. The via ferrata was kinda crazy, we were a hundred feet in the air just clipped into some wires and crawling around like spiders on a web. The scariest part was the 70-foot jump we had to do. Walk the plank, freefall 15 feet, land like nothing happened.

I have a functional, high speaker system. I fixed some foam with a kit I bought online and ripped out Sony proprietary electronics from a subwoofer, wired in an amplifier, and got it to make noise. Pretty sweet. It took me way too long and I thought I broke it, but it's working now and music will never sound the same.

I have two more things to share for now: one is something I am currently doing, and one is something I wish I was doing.

My mom is a lawyer, which means everything is a contract. So, when I mentioned I was planning to drive to Colorado, I had to sign up for a generational list of tasks in the spirit of indentured servitude as a suitable offering to excuse my use of the motor vehicle. One of these tasks was fixing our deck.

Our deck was sagging in the center. This caused it to become watertight, and the winter and spring precipitation escalated the problem. A couple of years ago, I crawled under the deck and used a jack to add some support beams, which worked for the short term. Then the rest of the deck sagged, and the part I'd fixed became a hill and started to separate. Not a good look. We figured the deck was rotting underneath the synthetic boards. The planned fix? Pull up all the synthetic stuff, demolish the deck underneath, rebuild it, then put the TREX boards back on top.

You'll never guess who is halfway done with this project. I spend several days prying up boards, removing screws, and ripping apart lumber. The entire deck was rotted. Not just part of it, but the whole entire thing. Some boards had literally disintegrated. I was surprised it was still standing. Also, whoever made that deck was really dumb, because they decided that securing it by screwing it into the stucco on the back of the house was the best way to keep it stable. Stupid ahh. I pulled the screws out with my hands.

Now all that's left is to rebuild a deck! How hard can that be?

Alright, now for thing two. I have been scouring Facebook Marketplace for one thing. An item so legendary, you don't even know what it is (probably). It comes in many colors, is of curious (German) workmanship, and transports its owner into the future, as well as down the street. Got it yet? Nice! You're right, it's a BMW E30, specifically a 325i. This is my entry-level dream car. You can work on them easily, swap engines, parts are available... it's everything a beginner could want. Plus, they look sleek as hell (sorry, Mom). I can see myself driving one. It's one of the only cars I could actually picture myself driving. I love that you can upgrade little things in them until they feel how you want. The hard part is that other people like them too, and I don't know what I'm doing. I'd love to just buy a working one and upgrade it, but I'm not rich. Getting into cars with little money means that old cars are the only option. You don't just like old cars cause they're classy, you like them out of necessity. This has been my fixation over the last week and a half. You will see me succeed.

Anyway, that's probably all I've got for now. I'll write a little bit more regularly now that I have a (terrible) schedule again.

Bye for now,

Will

Odyzzey-E Turns 21

So, you're curious where I've been, and what I've been up to? Yeah, I'm still here.

No more questions? Huh. There's a song about that.

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"We're sitting here with Willy Nilly."

                                          "Believe that."

"How are you doing?"

                                          "Alright."

"So, Willy, tell me, how was your life as a youngster?"

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Alright, since the lady in the song asked, I'll tell you.

In the words of Tony the Tiger, I've been gggreat. I have been very busy, which is why I haven't written one of these in a little while. That seems like a completely guessable fact, but I say it anyway.

I turned 21 about a week ago. I chose the wrong week to be sober. hehe. Just kidding. On my birthday, I worked most of the day (lame), then saw the Odyssey (not lame). It was a really good movie, although some directorial choices were made that I thought were not representative of the usual Christopher Nolan. It was very long, but not boring. We went at 11 PM, so we didn't finish the movie until 2. See it in IMAX. Otherwise all the shots are gonna have the tops and bottoms cut off, and it looks way better when that doesn't happen. You need to see Agamemnon aura farm in full, unobstructed, high definition view.

I also went to Lagoon. Fears = conquered again.

I decided I haven't finished talking about the Odyssey. Don't you dare complain that these are spoilers. First of all, they're not. Second off, the book has literally been out for three thousand years. The chronological order is literally: 1. Terrible Copper Review, 2. The Bible, 3. The Odyssey, and 4. The Qu'ran. If you did not pick up a copy of the Odyssey at Barnes and Noble in that time, that is your own fault. You wouldn't complain that I spoiled the Bible if I told you that Jesus comes back in season 6. Now on with my analysis.

I noticed that the same music Odysseus heard from the sirens plays again when he finally returns to his wife. Holy mother of motifs. When describing the music, Odysseus says something along the lines of, "it's like everything you always wanted to be, but couldn't. It's everything you've ever hoped for and can't have." Of course, this depends on the person, so what does that say about Odysseus? 

The same song plays when he gets home and finally sees his wife again. Agamemnon's call brought him to war, but he really had no choice in the first place. The story portrays his leaving as a valorant decision, yet it was somewhat forced upon him. His "courage" was a completely expected response. He wanted to be a normal man, at home with his wife, raising his son and caring for his people. Everything he ever wanted to be—everything he couldn't be—was nothing but a husband. He didn't want the glory.

However, his own decisions while on that demanded path caused his own derision. The suitors stay at the castle because the people worry and demand protection from the Sea People: rumored wayfarers who bring destruction to those they visit. Turns out? The Sea People were the Greeks. They were Odysseus and his men. His own brash choices led to the deaths of all of his men and the near collapse of his small kingdom from the inside out.

This is symbolic of Greece as a whole. One of the major reasons for their downfall was infighting between small fiefdoms, and the Odyssey does a great job of packing that into the story of a single man who just wanted to live, but couldn't because society had so much for him to do. Greece was an empire that wanted to live, but their own brash decisions in their attempt to do so ended up their undoing.

This leads me to one specific overarching point that I think the literary version holds over the movie's head. In the epic, the entire retelling is just Odysseus's recounting of the past upon his return. This leaves the reader to wonder: was Odysseus really that heroic? Did he really encounter 4 of the most famous characters in Greek mythology? Did the most beautiful woman in Antiquity really fall in love with him and become so charmed that she wiped his memory so he'd stay with her? Was he really so important that the gods were picking on him individually? Perhaps he was. It is also possible he had six years to come up with a fantastic story for why he was spared by divinity, how he singlehandedly brought about the fall of Troy, and why not a single one of his men survived. 

Of course, he must be the hero, but he must also show some sort of development and stoic growth, since that was important to his audience. In every story, Odysseus is the sole reason for his squad's escape. The reader of the poem doesn't get to know what really happened. It could be so much less heroic. What if Odysseus actually hid from war, didn't know it was over, assumed seven years was enough, but figured he might still catch some punishment for desertion, and that's why he immediately sailed away when he got home? It's probably somewhere in the middle.

That leaves the same interpretation for the Greeks. It seems their overconfidence led to their downfall. They probably told their own Odysseys about the empire, about how it overcame the insurmountable odds, and how the gods had selected it because of their superiority. We're the same people they were. I'm sure you can directly quote similar sentiments about your country, your people, your family, your church. 

The warning of the Odyssey was directed at the Greeks themselves: don't undo yourselves by the perversion of your morals. The entire story centers around the weaponization of once-noble concepts: Zeus' Law (I hate the phrase) as a tool for permissible larceny, gifts as sabotage in the Trojan Horse, human sacrifice for favor in war, and consequently, love as a trap for betrayal in the slaying of Agamemnon. Let steel and copper hold their role in battle, and let emotion keep its place in man. The separation is mortality; the cross, brutality.

All's fair in love and war, right? Choose well when given the chance, or you'll find your power of choice is gone. I wonder what Odysseus regretted.

Good movie. If I have to hear "Zeus' Law" one more time, I'll invoke it myself by inviting myself to your funeral.

Speaking of funerals, I'm grateful for hospitals. I was in the ER last night until 3 AM because my friend broke his arm, and he wanted me to stay with him. I'm glad there are people who know enough about drugs and setting bones and stuff like that, because if they didn't, my friend would be crippled for the rest of his life. If you have to choose where to go after breaking your arm, I'd suggest Utah Valley Hospital. They were excellent.

Our hackathon is happening! The school got us room. We are going to start outreach soon, and I'm really excited. Working with all these people has taught me that there are some cool ones out there.

Okay, I have to go watch Project Hail Mary now. I guess I'll talk to you later. If you write me, I'll write you back.

see ya

-will