The DanceGate Scandal

11/4/24

Laydees and gentlemen, boys and goy-ils, gather round and I'll tell you the tale of the week's ill-fated events.

I decided to do this earlier to give myself time to respond to any emails I get today. I'm still working on them. I have read them all, though. Some of them I just don't know how to respond yet.

I'll start with the half-witted good stuff that happened. Picture me as the Queen of England, smiling and waving at nothing in particular as I describe some things.

CATEGORY: POSITIVE BATTERY END

Rack your brain to recall my email from a few weeks ago. Remember those Rice Krispies I gave out? I talked to 2 people in 1 day in complete other locations in the city that remembered that I had given them one. One of them said she was really upset that day, and that she was kinda rude when she sort of ignored me, but was grateful for the treat. She said she was surprised that I just told her to enjoy her book after she was rude. I talked to this girl for like an hour and half. We talked about all kinds of things, and maybe 30% was about the church. In the end, she didn't want us having her number in our missionary phone, so she followed me on Facebook. I offered her free guitar lessons (yes, rule orients, that is allowed in the standards).

The second interaction was at church. Some guy showed up that nobody had ever seen, and he said that he was out this way to go on a hike and decided to try the church instead because someone had given him a Rice Krispie a few weeks ago with an info card, even though he didn't have time to talk. Yeah. That was me, losers. It felt pretty good to see that my method that was trashed on was more successful than any others. Hopefully the Spirit or something told him to try it out... I wouldn't know. I just gave out the sugar square.

My missionary efforts aren't very trackable in an app, but I don't feel like that makes them any worse. Most of my conversations end without a return appointment, but to hold a strangers attention for 2 hours on a college campus talking about religion seems more effective in helping people learn about God than getting their phone number and bothering them a few times to come to an activity.

CATEGORY: NEGATIVE TERMINAL (DANCEGATE)

Most of you are far too young. In fact, I think all of you are. If you were alive for this, please respond to this email either correcting the timeframe I have in my mind or tell me the secret to immortality, whichever is applicable.

The event I am referring to is the Watergate Scandal. History class should have gone over it. Richard Nixon, caught in shameful situations, which were then blown open by the media until everyone knew about it? But it was very hush-hush in the federal government, involving only those who needed to know with security clearance; the irony being that everyone and their mom was talking about it among the American public.

I affectionately refer to the events of the Saturday night, November 2, as Dancegate. Think Footloose mixed with the missionary standards book mixed with Matilda and the Trunchbull. I will break it down (not on the floor) for you and describe the happenings.

The YSA planned a stake YSA Halloween dance. I guess they do it every year. We had invited people to come. We didn't expect many to come because they are usually busy, but we figured someone would. We planned a phone lesson for 8 o'clock; upon its commencement we would leave the dance and go into a room for the lesson, then return.

It is Halloween. What do you do on Halloween? Wear a costume. Duh. Companion was lame, didn't really want to do anything. I wasn't going to go out and buy a costume, but I wanted to do something at least. I cut out small circles and taped them to my white shirt to become the 3 hole punched version of plain white Will. I credit the Office wholly for that joke.

There were more missionaries there, of course. It is a stake activity, after all. They all had friends who came with them. The Champlain sisters (3), who are also over YSA, came with flower leis. They were still wearing regular prosyletizing clothes, just like we were, but had on a flower lei each because it is fun. The zone leaders made an appearance briefly before it started, but they had plans tonight so they didn't stay. After they left, the Gatineau sisters came with their friends too. The total is currently sitting at 7 missionaries, 3 sets. I was having fun! I was teaching some of our new friends how to dance, I was laughing a lot and talking to new members, helping them laugh a bit too because they seem to struggle recognizing church as a place where you can smile. I hardly talked to the other missionaries. Companion was standing with his arms folded talking to a member, and he was having fun too. He just isn't much for dancing, which is fine. I line danced to a couple of songs and helped people learn them. Then the Macarena came on, so of course everyone did that one. 

After that, it was time for our lesson, so we went into a room and had a lesson. It was good. We came back to the gym and saw the Gatineau Elders. They had a lesson earlier, so they came a little late. I had barely seen them for more than 3 minutes when the zone leaders came storming in and said "everybody has to leave." We all looked at each other, confused, and he said, "Now! President said so!" Immediately, we piled into cars and went home at 8:30, about 30 minutes before curfew.

I was so pissed on the way home. Heaven forbid we do anything even slightly enjoyable. Nobody was doing anything against any standard, most of us were just standing around talking to our new friends. What was the problem? Gathering? That we were "hanging out"? The mission president texted us to call him when we got home. I kept my mouth shut because I would have gone off on him. He said that he was "trying to better understand what took place tonight". He said he had "got a call that the missionaries were wearing costumes and dancing," and so he sent the zone leaders to go check it out. He said they found "multiple sets of missionaries 'gathering'", and that he was just "trying to make sense of the events". He made it sound like we had done something wrong. It was like a trial, finding evidence so that we could be exposed on a future date.

We went to church the next day. I talked to the Champlain sisters. They told me what happened to them as well. The mission president called them and rebuked them too. Apparently, the bishop's wife called the mission president. I guess the Macarena was too much for her to handle. In a frickin YSA.

We have an Elder who I will refer to as Elder T. He graduated college, had a steady job, then felt like he should go on a mission at 24. So he did, and he is almost done. This is his last transfer. He and his companion showed up at the Riverside ward on Sunday with their friend who only speaks French. They were going to translate for him because the zone leaders don't speak French at all. He was already annoyed about the night before, but then the zone leaders told him he had to leave Riverside because it "wasn't their ward". Elder T was outraged. He left all of the zone chats.

Then, we got a text from the president that night. He sent us screenshots from the stake president about the dance. They were treating it like a full on court case. The stake president asked what the rules and guidelines were for missionaries at activities. We didn't receive that answer in the screenshots. I guess there were some "more traditional members" who were aghast that the missionaries wore costumes (flower leis and paper dots were the only ones, everyone else wore normal proselytizing clothes) and danced. The Macarena.

I tried to talk to the bishop about an idea for an activity I had (college major night), and he blew me off and acted annoyed that I was even talking to him. I tried to have a friendly interaction with one of the senior missionaries and he warned me, "careful, Elder." How is it possible that everyone here is such a killjoy? I would like to say that I have a friendly personality that isn't over the top, but I guess it's too much for a missionary.

The Canada Montreal Mission is messed up. We are not allowed to talk to other missionaries without being chastized for out behavior. We cannot smile, dance, or wear paper dots without someone getting on our case. My suck-up companion apologized to the mission president for all the trouble we caused. I was a little annoyed. We aren't supposed to say anything negative, we must only be finding 6 hours a day by walking up to people and telling them about the church. The area I am in is messed up. There is a reason why new members stop going.

We have what I like to call "phantom rules". They are rules that are not found in the standards, but seem to exist that everyone refuses to break for fear that they get in trouble. Everyone is expected to just go along with what happens. I'm pretty freaking sick and tired of going along.

I talked to one of the Champlain sisters after church (20-Kuit, no need to worry). She said through tears that she couldn't make it to June. Not like this. She said that everyone here was more focused on rules than on helping people learn about Jesus Christ. I told her I knew how she felt, probably more than most. I told her that if she left, I'd leave with her. She said, "I can't do this. I'm dying. My soul is dying." The Canada Montreal Mission is breaking the spirits of many. Not just me. The only ones who seem to have any happiness are those who embrace the culture completely or those who have figured out how to fly under the radar and lie through their teeth at the meetings. Everyone else is suffering. My testimony of the church is falling fast. My testimony of the gospel of Jesus Christ and his example is stronger than ever.

I know that my experience is not normal. But something really ought to be done. Not for me, but for the other missionaries. They are suffering. They are unhappy. This is a toxic place and it is taking its toll on a lot of people. I talked to another sister who is about to go home, and she said "my mission was 18 months of hell with some moments of heaven throughout." Are you kidding me? That should be opposite!

Why aren't we allowed to talk to other missionaries? We might figure out we're not alone? I don't understand.

My message this time: mind your own freaking business people. One thing that I thought everyone's parents taught them is that you can only worry about yourself. When someone else isn't following rules, or doing something that isn't okay, or affecting you somehow, the only thing you can control is you. This usually came after trying to make my brother clean our room, but I think it applies to the church as well. Would you quit worrying if someone else is following the rules you've decided upon? Would you stop worrying if someone is "polluting" your temples or your churches if they aren't doing everything you are? Not everyone does this, but if you are, freaking check yourself. People leave the church because of stuff like that. Not that it matters either way, but if your goal is to keep people involved, you do a pretty sucky job.

Sorry. I got a little fired up there. If you couldn't tell, I care quite a bit about that.

I love all of you! Hearing from you keeps me going sometimes. Sorry this one is pretty long. This time I had actual events to write about. I promise that this week went a bit better than others, there was just a major crash at the end that kind of ruined it. Don't stay up late at night worrying about me: I'm figuring things out.

I am writing a podcast. Every time something bad happens, I get material. Shoutout to McKenna Mondays podcast as well. They're really good.

That's probably all from me. I have lots of other things I could talk about, but this email is already longer than the Mount Timpanogos hike. If you email me with a question, I will happily answer.

Au revoir,

Will Ott